It seems that all around me, friends and family are announcing that they are expecting another child. And I am happy for them, I really am. But somewhere, deep in my heart, I wish that all the texts and posts would vanish.
I am currently struggling with baby envy.
It has gotten to the point where I have carefully gone through my Facebook news feed and simply asked Facebook to not show me posts from certain people. It isn’t that I don’t like these people or that I don’t want to be friends with them anymore; it is that I can’t look at anymore pictures of growing baby bellies.
Because I want one.
I want another baby.
And I know that my husband and I are planning for another in the future. Just like I know that right now, when we are looking for a new house, getting ready to move to a new state and start new jobs, isn’t really a great time to have a child.
But still, every pregnancy announcement is starting to hurt. I look at another post about when the bundle will arrive and I smile sadly because while I am happy, I want that same experience for myself and with every new post, my longing only grows. As my longing grows, my head reminds me of all the reasons why “right now” is not the right time. And I really don’t care.
So if you are one of the friends that has posted your happy news on Facebook, know that I am happy for you. If you’ve noticed that I haven’t liked any of your baby bump photos, please know that if I’m going to continue being your friend, I can’t look at these pictures right now. When I’m in the midst of a move and a new job and I’m relieved that I don’t have morning sickness and an impending newborn to take care of, I will be ready to look at your posts again. This time, to smile and laugh about how lucky I am to not be pregnant.
But right now, I’m not ready.