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This coming Monday, Labor Day (great fun), is another YAB meeting. In the past year, I have come to hate YAB meetings. They used to happen Sundays, when I could only stay for 20 minutes because I had to get to work. We spent more time soothing ruffled feathers than getting business done, and frankly, I wanted to be at work instead of there.

So we have one this coming Monday and I’m nervous. Honestly, I don’t want to be a Sr. High leader anymore and at times, I’m not sure I want to be a Girls’ Only Leader either. And me not being a co-leader would cause the extinction of at least one of the groups.

Part of the reason I don’t want to go to this meeting is the backlash of the summer and of last Sunday’s (8/30) Youth Group meeting. Feelings were hurt and trampled on, including mine and my sister’s. And that is just not acceptable. I don’t exactly know who knows what or what I should expect at this meeting and the more I think about it, the more nervous I get.

The thing is, the summer and the YG meetings we had, were kind of rough on me. I’m still the youngest leader at 21 and because my sister is in the group, I don’t know what the members see me as. Do they see me as her sister and thus, a peer? Which means they don’t see me as a leader and won’t listen to me. And this is how I feel.

I mean, they openly disregard rules when I’m the only leader present in a certain area. I just… I don’t know what to do about it. Frankly, I don’t want to deal with it. I want to step back and say, “Sorry, I took on too much. I’ll be a Sunday School Teacher, but that’s it.” And part of me balks at that because I’m wimping out on a few responsibilities and I hate doing that.

I just… I need to take the time to sit quietly and pray, instead of obsess.

Guess I should practice what we’re teaching the youth, huh?